1. MY IDEAL MAN (Based on a true story, sort of)

Laughter is the best medicine. Indeed, it is. I believe it so much I can make people laugh with just the mere expression of “my always 29 years old” face. I walk around like I am on Prozac most of the time.

Those who know me well, asked me how I did it. Those who didn’t; well who cares about what they think, right? I have a very dry sense of humour, I know.

To those who care; easy, I said. Whatever your situation is - you only have 2 options, really; you can do nothing about it and cry your eyes out; or you can do something about it and be happy. I choose the latter. When I was 29 (I am always 29, oh please keep up people!) I went for numerous surgeries on my left knee. One day, at the end of one of my consultation, my surgeon asked if he could ask me a personal question; shoot, I said. “Are you gay?” He asked. “I am always gay” I replied.

I swallowed the urge to laugh out loud and kept a straight face. For those who’s not aware gay also means happy.

“Come on, you know what I meant. I can’t figure you out”.

Christ! Why do people always think that if you’re single something is wrong with you? What was there to figure out? You’re not my physiatrist! I didn’t say it out loud though; instead I spoke softly and asked. Not giving anything away. “Why do you think that I’m gay?” I indulged him out of respect. He’s a good, kind surgeon. “You’re attractive, pleasant and easy to talk to but you don’t seemed to be interested in men” He replied. That’s when my laughter came and I couldn’t stop. His face turned red and I sobered up. “Oh trust me doc, if you’re not my doctor and we’re not in a hospital right now, I will show you how straight I am.” Now he’s laughing uncomfortably. But I am still not backing down.“I know the right guy is still out there looking for me. But the idiot is taking way too long to find me so I figured, he must either be such a lazy bum or really, really stupid he doesn’t even know how to ask for direction. So I stopped waiting. I am not interested in “Mr Right now”; I confided. It’s his turn to laugh now, shaking his head in amazement.

“Make me a list of your ideal guy and email it to me, maybe you’re just too blind to see” he joked. I said okay, gave him my most dazzling smile, or so I thought; and walked out.

That conversation made me think about it for the first time; does such “ideal” man really exist? The sceptic in me asked. What the heck, right? Life is about taking chances, so I started writing; as always. Now what would my ideal guy look like on paper? I went deep into my soul and spent like a minute there; they don’t deserve more than a minute gals; trust me 😉.

COMPETENCY MODELLING FOR MY IDEAL MAN:

(Broken into three category)

MUST HAVE

1. A good sense of humour; so he can appreciate my wicked and dry sense of humour; I am not going to be the only one laughing when I make jokes; that’ll just make me look plain crazy, no? 😜.

2. A good cook; well someone has to feed me, right? Nothing fancy; as long as he doesn’t give me food poisoning please.

3. Love me to death; literally or not; it’s fine by me 😉.

GOOD TO HAVE

1. Has a good address; not his father’s, grandfather’s or great, great grandfather who died a tragic death long, long ago. Must be his own address. 🏡

2. Has at least 2 cars; why? Did you expect me to walk? Oh come on, I am not asking for a lot here, gals. I’ll settle for a BMW sports car. That is, if he couldn’t afford anything fancier. Hey, before you judge me people! I have an amazing life. So giving up my stress free life is not so cheap okay. 🚘

3. Has a kind heart when showering me with gifts. Someone who knows what LV meant (trust me, some men are clueless by intent and purpose), knows that the romantic thing to do is a walk along Champ Elyse street in Paris at night, with little cafes at every corner, where no one cares who you are. Oh and beautiful landmarks to see include the Eiffel tower or the Louvre and not only A-Famosa. 🎁 ✈️

INSPIRATIONAL (the most important of all)

1. A weak heart;

2. Senile

3. Impotent

Press sent; and done...

- By Simply me